Oct 31, 2012

Beer Bitch Project! Part 9: Hooligan, Rogue GYO, Post Road, and JAW-JACKER!

Pumpkin Beer #18: North Peak Hooligan Hoppy Pumpkin Ale



Who knew Traverse City's North Peak Brewery had a pumpkin beer--an IPA, no less!  I think this is the first pumpkin IPA I've been able to find, which is kind of strange, considering the increasing attention both pumpkin ales and IPAs are experiencing these days! I found a bottle of this in a basket of hodge-podge seasonals at the local grocery store and did a double-take.  I was hoping for a six pack, but alas, all I could find was the lone bottle.  Just as the name indicates, Hooligan is super hoppy.  It's delicious, no doubt, but my one complaint would be that they didn't brew this with enough pumpkin.  There's subtle, and then there's "wait, is this really a pumpkin beer?" 

Beer Bitch Grade: B
Method of Intake: 12oz
ABV: 6.5%



Pumpkin Beer #19: Chatoe Rogue First Growth Pumpkin Patch Ale



I have to hand it to Rogue this year for releasing this seasonal in a bright pumpkin orange bottle!  I've never had their GYO (Grow Your Own) Pumpkin Patch Ale.  According to Rogue, the pumpkins brewed in this beer are organically grown in their very own pumpkin patch!  Impressive indeed.  Appropriately, this ale has an earthy smell, similar to root vegetables roasting in the oven.   The texture is thick and almost creamy.  The spicing is very subtle to make way for the rich pumpkin flavor.  A delicious, unique pumpkin offering that I will be more than pleased to support and guzzle each season!

Beer Bitch Grade: A-
Method of Intake: 22oz
ABV: 5.6%

 

 

 Pumpkin Beer #20: Post Road Pumpkin Ale

 



Brooklyn Brewery's take on pumpkin pours a lovely amber that you cannot see from the blurry photo above because I suck at even taking phone photos (blame it on the DTs).  It has a light body and almost tastes weak Nutmeg and cinnamon combine with a strong clove presence to give a bit of a bite. Nice pumpkin flavoring with just about the right amount of carbonation.  It's decent, but there's nothing about it to make it stand-out from the rest of the pumpkin beer crowd. 
 

Beer Bitch Grade: C+
Method of Intake: 6pk
ABV: 5%

 

 

Pumpkin (Controversially So!) Beer #21: Arcadia Ales JAW-JACKER




Arcadia Ale's Jaw-Jacker is controversial among pumpkin beer connoisseurs.  Why?  The artwork and name suggests it is a pumpkin beer; however, pumpkin is not actually one of the ingredients.  While this is understandably a total fail for most drinkers, Jaw-Jacker has been a fall staple for me over the past few years.  An amber-wheat that's really heavy on the allspice (making it taste like pumpkin pie), cinnamon, and nutmeg, Jaw-Jacker is super tasty and extremely drinkable.   This brew just looks, smells, tastes, and feels like Fall.  Another common criticism is that the spices are added to the beer instead of brewed with the beer, but I think it's important to point out that Arcadia is up-front about this (and the lack of pumpkin) on the packaging.  Don't like that? Don't drink it. 

There's new artwork for Jaw-Jacker this year.  It's less creepy than the previous art, but it's still spirited and seasonal.
 

Beer Bitch Grade: B+
Method of Intake: 6pk
ABV: 6%

Oct 25, 2012

October Horror Marathon! Part 3: Sucky Rock Bands, Strange Fruit, and Enough with the Damn Incest Already!

10/8

11) SUCK

(2009, Canada. Dir: Rob Stefaniuk)


Ah, it wouldn't be my annual October marathon without a ridiculous rock 'n' roll themed horror movie (or two...or three..)  There's just something about the horror-rock hybrid that never results in a great movie (save for the classic Phantom of the Paradise), but I always enjoy watching this stuff, even if it's shitty (e.g., Slumber Party Massacre Part II, Terror on Tour, Black Roses, Trick or Treat, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare...hell, any horror-rock movie from the 80's!)  And I'll give bonus points to anyone who dares to make a music themed horror in today's climate, because you're just asking to be laughed at. 

The great thing about Suck is that its tongue--er, fangs?--is planted firmly in cheek.  And, to his credit, Rob Stefaniuk has managed to wrangle aging rockers like Rollins, Iggy Pop, and monster rock grandaddy himself, Alice Cooper, to do cameos in his movie.  Not to mention Malcolm McDowell as the Van Helsing-ish character who is kept vampirically young in flashback scenes by impressively incorporating bits from O Lucky Man.

The plot centers on aging indie rock band (led by triple-threat Stefaniuk) trying to make it big.  After a particularly rough show, hot bassist Jennifer (played by a pre-Mad Men Jessica Paré) takes off with a super silly Hot Topic reject with a goofy smile permanently planted on his pasty face.  When she finally catches up with the rest of the band, she's even hotter, her hair looks fantastic, has what appears to be bright blue CGEyes, and she becomes the much-adored front-woman instead of the standard alt-rock chick bassist.  Despite leaving a trail of bodies behind her, the band finally gains more and more fame.

Suck is a cute movie for sure, and even gets nasty awesome (one memorable scene in a convenience store is probably the most amazing thing I've seen involving a Slurpee in a horror film).  It's something of a road movie, with stylish transitional shots of a stop-motion van traveling through painted backdrops with pink skies.  The comedy bits can be funny, but the biggest downfall is the music.  Not only does the band suck before they go vampiric, but they're still pretty bland after they become acclaimed for their unique traits.  The movie has a satirical edge, so perhaps that's the point, but it still makes it hard on the ears.  Most unforgivable is when Queenie the vampire's goofy grinning face shows up in the band's van window to sing a seductive ballad to Jennifer.  I realize it's supposed to be cheesy, but it's too much.   

I'm not sure it's going to be the cult classic it so obviously sets out to be, but it's an enjoyable enough entry into the horror-rock canon.


My Rating: 5/10 (ftv)



12) DON'T LOOK UP

 (2009, USA. Dir: Fruit Chan)


   
Back when Three... Extremes was released at the height of the Asian horror boom, fans everywhere were pleasantly mortified by Fruit Chan's fountain-of-youth short "Dumplings."  It was more extreme than the contributions by more esteemed and notorious directors Takashi Miike and Chan-Wook Park, and we couldn't wait to see what next.  Chan quickly followed-up with a feature length version, which was an admirable effort but didn't really have the same intense impact as the concise story-telling in the anthology short.

So, Chan finally returned to the genre with a not-so-original effort: 2009's Don't Look Up, a remake of Hideo Nakata's pre-Ringu supernatural affair, Ghost ActressThis version is filmed in America, but set in Romania.  The premise is set-up nicely, with a creepy mythology about a Gypsy woman in the Dark Ages who allegedly promised her firstborn to a demon in return for a successful marriage to a wealthy man.  Her daughter is soon murdered by the villagers, thought to be demon spawn.  In 1928, a director (played by Eli Roth, no joke) set out to film her story, but the film was never finished, and everyone involved in the production vanished. Flash to the modern day, and we have a troubled young American director (Reshad Strik, who actually does resemble a less-hairy Eli Roth) skipping off to Romania to try to re-create the film based upon its one remaining production still.  The ghostly hijinx commence immediately, and crew members get dispatched in some inventive ways (and some very stupid ways).

Don't Look Up is brutal and repulsive, as expected from Chan.  There's a disgusting head wound with superb FX, a really icky childbirth scene that made me gag, and a truly sick scene involving a growth.  Despite these fantastic special effects, the film relies far too much on bottom-of-the-barrel CGI.  The ghosts all dissolve into pixels.  A CGI fly pops out of a video screen and flies into someone's eye, and it looks laughable.  There's a dreadful storyline about the director's wife, who is dying of cancer.  I'll give Don't Look Up props for being disturbing, but it's a shame that such a great premise was spoiled with such silly results.


My Rating: 4/10 (ftv)



13) OPEN HOUSE 

(2010, USA. Dir: Andrew Paquin)




It's probably a red flag when television's hottest couple shows up on the cover of a straight-to-DVD horror movie directed by one of their family members.  Sure, it's nice of Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin to do bit parts for Anna's brother's film, but it's shenanigans to throw their names and faces on the cover.  And what about that cover art?  Is this the late 90s? Why are we still tolerating floating TV star heads on horror movie posters?

OK, let's try to judge this movie objectively.  After all, Paquin and Moyer aren't really going to make or break any movie for me.   Open House is about yuppie couple Josh and Alice (Moyer and Rachel Blanchard) in the middle of a bitter divorce.  Alice is staying at their giant suburban home, responsible for the sale and open house.  When one seemingly nice prospective buyer David (Brian Geraghty) turns-out to be a total f'd up psychopath, Alice finds herself a prisoner in her own home, locked-up in the crawlspace while David and his lady Lila (Tricia Helfer) play house.  It gets a bit ridiculous when they start racking up a body count, dispatching neighbors, party guests that have been lured into foursomes (!), etc., and it's implied that this is just kinda what these two serial killers do, yet they never get caught.  Blanchard gives a respectable performance, especially when Alice tries to go faux-Stockholm on David to try and exert power over Lila.  Helfer and Geraghty are both very stoic in their effectively creepy deliveries.  The main problem with this movie is the flawed premise--how can traveling serial killers as sloppy as this duo (and oh, are they sloppy!) keep getting away with it?  I can only suspend disbelief so far.

Oh, and more incest here.  That makes, what, 5 out of 13 movies so far this October?  Enough is enough!


My Rating: 4/10 (ftv)

 

Total Films: 13

First Time Viewings: 13 

October Horror Marathon! Part 2: Evil Twins and A-Listers Slumming!

10/7

7) THE BLACK TORMENT

(1964, UK. Dir: Robert Hartford-Davis)

 



Sir Richard Fordyke (John Turner) returns to his home village and inherited manor with his lovely new Lady (Heather Sears - Hammer's Christine).  He finds his friends and neighbors are feeling a tad uneasy upon his return, with talk of rapes and murders that plagued the town during the Lord's absence.  After asking a few pressing questions, Fordyke finds that some villagers believe that he was the responsible party, despite being 200 miles away during all of the crimes.  They justify this by crying "witchcraft!", and Fordyke is forced to defend himself to his friends, family, and his new wife (who is his only alibi).  More troubling is that a ghostly woman has been spotted chasing people through the manor yard.  Perhaps Fordyke has got a bit of the old "brain fever" like his dead grandaddy, whose portrait overlooks the hallways of the cavernous manner.

The Black Torment is one of those impressively atmospheric gothic horrors that could only come out of the 1960s--the costumes are huge, the tombstones are even bigger, the windows clang, too many candles are lit.  It probably deserves better than this Legend Films DVD print, but it's still worth catching just for the rich atmosphere, ornate setting, and spooky set-pieces.  Of note are the cerulean-tinted nighttime sequences, especially a horseback chase through the woods featuring the eerie ghostly woman in a long white cloak.  Accomplished with no special effects other than the perfect camera angle, the illusion that the woman is floating through the forest is spine-tingling indeed.  There's also a startling hanging scene that caught me off guard, and a few weird touches (e.g., a scene where we see booze being administered gently to the poor, incapacitated father, shot from the perspective of his mouth).

Where The Black Torment fails is with it's Scooby-Doo finale.  There are at least seven big reveals in a five minute span, none of which the viewer could have ever guessed.  The mysteries all resolved with left-field answers with no room for ambiguity, and it's really unsatisfying after an otherwise enjoyable ride.

My Rating: 6/10 (ftv)


 

8) RED LIGHTS

(2012, USA/Spain. Dir: Rodrigo Cortés)






Hot off the heels of his mostly well-received indie debut, Buried, Rodrigo Cortés brings us a much bigger film, complete with A-listers.  The first scene in Red Lights is a blatant poke at the modern supernatural horror film trend of having a turbulent, suspenseful openingIt starts out very stone-faced, with a pair of apparent paranormal investigators trying to help a family who claims their young daughters are being haunted.  During a séance with the family's hired psychic, it becomes evident that Dr. Matheson (Sigourney Weaver!) and Tom (Cillian Murphy) are quietly dismissing the entire situation.  After a quick heart-to-heart with one of the haunted daughters, we see Dr. Matheson and Tom leaving the premises, much to the dismay of the parents.

Turns out, Matheson and Tom are renowned debunkers of psychic phenomena who have made a career of investigating and exposing faux psychics, both small-time and celebrityTom is a physicist who spends his time assisting skeptic Matheson because he's had some bad childhood experience with a psychic.  They have a pretty elaborate set-up that uses science, technology, and detective skills (looking for "red lights"--things that shouldn't be there before a psychic has a show).  She's been at it for decades, and points out that she's admittedly washed-up, and doesn't deserve a young assistant who could have a brilliant career in his professional field.  That's a pretty good example of the types of conversations these characters have.

Weaver and Murphy both give performances reminiscent of some of their previous films, but manage to create some chemistry, despite the characters being underwritten clichés.  Enter Robert De Niro, as Simon Silver, a world-famous blind psychic that Matheson tried to expose in the past, and really wants to nail now that he's making a comeback.  When we finally see Silver in front of an audience, he's "curing" a man by haphazardly shoving his fingers into his side, playing around with his guts, all while the ailing man is awake.  It's a gruesome scene for sure, but the rest of the movie isn't as effective.  Red Lights tries to be topical with its psychic paranormal angle, but the movie somehow seems really dated in its focus on America's obsession with celeb psychics.  When's the last time anyone has heard the name Sylvia Browne?  Isn't Miss Cleo in jail? And no on actually watches Long Island Medium other to laugh at it, right?  In the end, Red Lights isn't about faux psychics, but rather the cheesy moral of being true to yourself, and having faith in an afterlife...Red lights!

My Rating: 4/10 (ftv)




9) GOODBYE GEMINI

(1970, UK. Dir: Alan Gibson)




Goodbye Gemini is one of those film viewing experiences where I found myself staring at the screen in awe, thinking "how the hell have I not seen this already!?"  Always such a gratifying moment!

Jackie (Judy "Inseminoid" Geeson) and Julian (Martin Potter, Satyricon) are young, bratty, impossibly blonde twins who are moved to a new, luxurious home.  It isn't made clear who the homeowner is, possibly their father, but they are placed in the care of the maid.  They don matching outfits, and Jackie clutches to a teddy bear, so at the beginning of the film, you'd guess their age at 15 or 16.  Regardless of their age, it's extremely unsettling watching Julian ogle Jackie as she changes.  It is evident that Jackie and Julian are only interested in general debauchery, and the little sociopaths will do anything to ensure a good time.  After committing an act of violence with their teddy, we see the kids drinking in a bar (with teddy, straws up his nose).  They're immediately wooed by the sleazy, scheming Clive (Alexis Kanner) and whisked away to a party.  It's clear that perhaps the Geminis are a little older than their childish behavior suggests.

They become engrossed in the swingin' sixties lifestyle, charming everyone they come across.  Jackie and Clive start up a thing, Julian and Clive's gal have a fling, and in great tradition of the best films of this era, soon Clive is seducing Julian.  After a strange set-up with some hookers in a motel room, the twins start to tire of the party life, and try to move on to the next adventure.  But have they gotten themselves in too deep?

Goodbye Gemini is a bizarre, trippy film, even by late 60's standards.  It's almost like a distant cousin of rock 'n' roll cult classic Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, although the music isn't nearly as enjoyable.  The swooping score can be grating at times, especially during the tender (creepy) moments between the twins.  The leads are fascinating to watch.  Geeson brings an almost unnatural innocence to her character, while Potter's sociopathic and sexually-confused Julian is unnerving.  The last third of the film descends into unsettling violence, madness, and identity horror in a less campy way than the finale of BtVotD.

My Rating: 6/10 (ftv)




10) THE POSSESSION OF JOEL DELANEY

(1972, USA. Dir: Waris Hussein) 

 



At the start of The Possession, Norah (Shirley "how the hell did I end up in this movie" McLaine), a wealthy socialite, is at a cocktail party with handsome buck Joel (Perry King, Andy Warhol's Bad), who looks at least ten years her junior.  A moment of seething jealousy inflects Norah's countenance when she sees her man talking with a much younger woman.

Later, we see Norah at home with her two young children, talking about having Uncle Joel over for dinner.  During this scene she mentions four times that Joel is her brother, revealing that director Waris Hussein has been playing with the viewer's preconceptions.  The reason Norah is so watchful and protective over Joel is because he's been known to be unstable in the past, but more specifically, he actively eschews the privileged lifestyle in which Norah wallows (living off of a hefty alimony and incapable of doing anything without her maid).  Joel has a pscyhological breakdown and ends up institutionalized, which Norah is quick to blame on the fact that he chooses to live in poverty amongst "those people" (translated: Puerto Ricans) downtown.  After he is released, he continues to exhibit bizarre behavior, including speaking in other languagesSoon, his girlfriend ends up dead (a gruesome, yet undeniably artistic set-piece features her naked body lying on the bed in her swanky pad, with her decapitated head dangling above it).  The murder match.  Could Joel be possessed by the spirit of his dead Puerto Rican friend, who was suspected of similar murders the year before?

The Possession of Joel Delaney was released a year before The Exorcist, and it is nothing like that film or the myriad movies it influenced.  Most significantly, The Possession has nothing to do with ChristianityIt makes it feel fresh, despite being released in 1972.  Other than this year's The Possession, I can't think of many other American possession films that aren't rooted in Christian theology.  It's interesting that this movie didn't seem to influence too many other horror films, considering it is one of the first possession movies.  And it gets away with a heck of a lot more than you would expect from a 70s movie starring Shirley McLaine.  There is a particularly harrowing, gritty sequence involving children that would never fly past the MPAA today.  King and McLaine are both wonderful in their roles, making some of the sillier possession/exorcism scenes easier to swallow.  Unfortunately, the film is bogged down by typical psychobabble posturing about domineering women (not to mention more freakin' incest--I swear this was not an intentional theme with the October Challenge this October!).  Still, it's worth checking-out to see a completely original work in the possession subgenre.


My Rating: 6/10 (ftv)


TOTAL FILMS: 10

FIRST TIME VIEWINGS: 10